Helping Kids Regulate Emotions
When children feel scared, upset, or overwhelmed, their bodies often react before their minds can process what’s happening. Their hearts may race, muscles tense, and breathing may become rapid. Kids often don’t have the tools to calm themselves when emotions feel overwhelming, in these moments, they often look to the adults around them for cues on how to respond.
If a parent or caregiver can remain calm and grounded, it creates a safe container for the child’s emotions. The adult’s steady presence communicates: “You are safe. It’s okay to feel this way. I am here with you.” Even without words, the calm energy of the adult is absorbed by the child, helping them settle physically and emotionally. Then the parent can start validate their emotions and stay physical and patient to help calm them down.
Through this co-regulation, the child begins to learn through experience that intense emotions are not permanent. They discover that fear, sadness, or overwhelm can rise and fall without needing to be fixed or pushed away. With a calm adult beside them, their nervous system slowly settles, and their body learns what safety feels like in the presence of strong emotions. Each time a child is met with steadiness instead of urgency, acceptance instead of correction, they develop trust in their own capacity to regulate. Overtime, in this repeated way, the child learns: I can feel this, and I will be okay, this is how emotional resilience is build.
Practical Strategies
Start with yourself: When a child is scared or overwhelmed, it’s natural for the adult to feel anxious too. Noticing your own breath, your body, and gently grounding yourself. You don’t need to be perfectly calm, just regulated enough to offer stability. Your nervous system becomes the anchor the child can lean into.
Validate their emotions: Before trying to change anything, help the child feel seen. Name what you notice: “I see you’re scared” or “that feels really overwhelming right now.” Validation helps the child feel understood and less alone. When a child knows their feelings are allowed, their body often begins to soften naturally.
Co-regulate through shared rhythm and presence: Simple, shared regulation matters more than techniques. Model slow, steady breathing and gently invite the child to follow your rhythm. For kids, breathing doesn’t need to be perfect, just exaggerate a slow inhale and exhale, and let them follow naturally. Playful approaches like smell the flower or blow the candle often work well for younger children. Stay physically close by sitting beside them, holding their hand, or offering a gentle hug to help them feel safe and supported.
Remain patient and present: Avoid rushing them to stop crying or to feel better. Give them the time and space they need to move through their emotions at their own pace, knowing you are there with them. Let them feel their emotions at their own pace while you quietly support them.
